Loving And Letting You Go

Maybe it's because I haven't been to Al Anon in a while, but I want out. I can't handle being around you when you're drunk. I'm not fucking stupid, blind, deaf or nose blind. You're stumbling, slurring your words, and you smell like booze. It's not my problem and you're entitled to live your life as you see fit, but I don't want to be a part of it. I'm just stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to Trent. You're kinda useful in that sense. Having you around makes it possible to have him around. Fuck my life I wish I could make a decision that didn't have sucky consequences. I seriously don't want a relationship with anyone, but at times living with you is unlivable.

The depression is strong today and I want to shout it from the rooftops for all to hear. Why? Because I need to vent. I have made poor choice upon poor choice in my relationship with you to the point that I resent the act of getting legally married. What I regret even more is the chain of actions and inactions I took leading up to that point that made me resent getting married. I hate that I resent getting married. I'm still pissed that it didn't happen the way I wanted it to. I wanted it on my terms. I thought incorrectly that you had agreed to those terms and make them come true. I suppose to be fair you did agree to them, but my folly was expecting you to take the action to make them happen. Why was I so blind to the fact that you're not a self motivated go-getter who does things on a grandiose scale? Why the fuck did I project that aspect of my personality on to you? I hate January 4th! I fucking hate it so much. It's so awkward because I feel like I'm in some k...