Anniversary

The depression is strong today and I want to shout it from the rooftops for all to hear. Why? Because I need to vent. I have made poor choice upon poor choice in my relationship with you to the point that I resent the act of getting legally married. What I regret even more is the chain of actions and inactions I took leading up to that point that made me resent getting married. I hate that I resent getting married. I'm still pissed that it didn't happen the way I wanted it to. I wanted it on my terms. I thought incorrectly that you had agreed to those terms and make them come true. I suppose to be fair you did agree to them, but my folly was expecting you to take the action to make them happen. Why was I so blind to the fact that you're not a self motivated go-getter who does things on a grandiose scale? Why the fuck did I project that aspect of my personality on to you? I hate January 4th! I fucking hate it so much. It's so awkward because I feel like I'm in some kind of marriage purgatory and don't know how I should feel about something that I felt was pretty meaningless and insignificant in the first place. It's like, should I celebrate today, should I not? In light of the past 3 years where I've attempted to assert that we're not together why is it that you continue to act like we're married? I clearly remember breaking up with you September 18th 2016. To the best of my knowledge we did not reconcile. I want a divorce.