I'm Still Holding Back
I feel like I can't be completely honest about my feelings regarding our relationship. I can express my love because it's a nice feeling. I can express my lust for you obviously, because that's the one thing in our relationship that's been consistent. I literally always want to fuck you. However underneath the love and lust is a bubbling cauldron of complicated feelings that I'm afraid to express. I am heartbroken and disappointed with the way things are. I hate that you struggle with addiction. I hate the way it's robbed you of your life. I hate the way I've allowed myself to be derailed by being your enabler. I'm afraid to confront you about certain things. I'm afraid that I'll make you feel bad if I'm brutally honest. When you tell me you miss me it cuts like a knife and releases all the rage inside of me because I'm pissed that you can't be a functional adult and partner and just get your shit together. I know it's hard, but f...