No More Attachments

I think I'm finally learning to let go of my attachments that have caused me immeasurable suffering over the past few years. I've had to let you go. I've had to face the possibility of a future without you and be ok with it. I've let the future I always pictured having with you go. I had to. Holding on to the idea of it while seeing that was not the direction things were goung was killing me. Holding on to you as you drowned yourself was killing me. I can't control you. I can't change you. I can't save you.

All I can do is love you as you are in this moment. However, to preserve my sanity I must evaluate the feasibility of a partnership with you in this moment. I've come to the conclusion that right now thst isn't possible. I can't be with with someone I don't trust. I can't be with someone I'm afraid of. Maybe one day I will trust you again. Much of that depends on you though. Maybe one day I will heal enough that I'm no longer afraid of you. That is my responsibility. That day however, has not yet come. I waited so long for that day to come and it never did. I have to let it go. If that day ever comes I will embrace it with my whole heart.

I must live in the moment for my own sanity's sake. I will not live in the past, but I will learn from it. I will also not be attached to a future that does not exist.

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