What I Need

I don't know that I'll ever have a partner in you again or at all, and I'm learning to be at peace with it. I have moments where I let those old attachments take root and allow myself to be overtaken with the desire to be with you again. Right now since it isn't possible, that desire quickly turns to suffering and I find myself seeking comfort in food and booze.

I must resolve these issues before I can ever hope to be partnered with you or anyone ever again. Otherwise I will simply fall back into old habits.

Truth be told, we both enabled each other's vices and made excuses for irresponsible hedonistic behaviour. Much of the reason being that we share the same vices to a large degree. If I am ever to be partnered again I cannot be with someone who is an enabler, nor do I want to be an enabler.

If you can go 6 months without alcohol and pass a hair strand test by August 20th it will go a long way to restoring trust. However, it doesn't mean that we're going to get back together right away. There is a lot of work to be done first. We need to address the co-dependency and enabling. I can't and won't put myself in that situation again.

I need honesty and transparency, not denial and excuses. I am guilty of denial and making excuses for myself and for you, but no more. If there is an issue, it needs to be brought to light and addressed right away.

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