Forgiven But Not Forgotten

I forgive all of the people who have caused me harm, but I can't forget. My ridiculously good memory is a curse. I remember details upon details that no one else does. I wish I had the memory of a neurotypical person. I also wish I could process emotions like a regular person. I wish the trauma that is trapped in my body could be released or at least managed.

I hate what I am somtimes because I want peace in me and when I'm overwhelmed the only way I can see myself being fully at peace is if I leave this body by killing it. I don't want to die, but sometimes it seems like the only way out of this living inner nightmare.

My life isn't even bad. My thinking brain just gets hijacked by my animal brain and tells me that I gotta get outta here. PTSD is a real bastard.

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