I Robbed You

I used to agree with the statement "Respect is earned not given." I still do agree in certain cases because there are many levels of respect. However, there is one level of respect in which it need not be earned. The respect for another person's autonomy.

Just as there are many levels of respect, there are also many levels of autonomy. A person's right to the most basic level of autonomy, which is the right to exist, begins at 20 weeks gestation. Our legal system is based on the principle that all humans have a right to exist in safety free of harm. Violations of those rights have been deemed "crimes again the person," and are considered to be the most heinous of crimes. Crimes in this category include, murder, attempted murder, sexual assault, assault and armed robbery.

You were robbed almost 5 years ago at knife point. Not only did they take your money, but they violated your autonomy by stripping you of your right to be safe both physically and mentally. They didn't give you a choice when they threatened you with a deadly weapon, and that action robbed you of your dignity.

I too am guilty of robbing you of you of what little dignity you had left after they robbed you. I robbed you of making choices for yourself of your own free will. I threatened negative consequences if you did not comply with my wishes to quit drinking. I made sanctions against you to try to control your choices. I did not allow you the dignity to choose to quit drinking for yourself. I gave ultimatums and conditions so that means every course of action you took whether it was counselling, rehab and AA was not made of your own free will. I know you took those courses of action because you were trying to comply to my will.

It was wrong of me to impose my will on you like that. I've had my autonomy stripped away several times in my life, so I know how devastating it is to be robbed of your dignity. I disrespected your right to choose for yourself. I've disrespected you on a very fundamental level and I'm sorry. As I analyze my actions throughout our relationship I have to admit that I have not been respectful of your autonomy in several matters. As far back as me registering you with the ITA and not allowing you to do that for yourself was me robbing you of a chance to choose a course of action for yourself. For that, I ask for your forgiveness. I've pushed you into situations that have made you uncomfortable. Whether or not I felt that it was for your own good is irrelevant. Whether or not it was with good intentions doesn't matter. It was not my place to do so and my actions were wrong.

I want you to know that from now on I will not rob you of the dignity to make choices about your life for yourself.

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