Indifference

At this moment in time, I think the most prominemt emotion I associate with you is indifference. At first that bothered me, but then when I really began to think about it, it makes perfect sense. Indifference is my general feeling towards people I don't know very well. 

In the past 5 years your brain and body have undergone some very drastic changes. There isn't much left that is familiar. It is much akin to the way I lost my dad. The way you speak, view the world and treat people is not at all like the version of you I met almost 14 years ago.

I held on to a man that does not exist in the present. I held this present version of you to the expectations I held for the version of you that I met. People change though and that's just a part of life. Sometimes they change for the better, sometimes the worse and sometimes they change into something completely unrecognizable.

This version of you now I'm not too familiar with on a deep personal level. He doesn't let people in and rarely wants to spend time with me unless it's eating or watching TV. I'm not overly keen on spending time with someone I don't really have a connection with. 

I've spent enough time around him now to observe his behavioral patterns and know what to expect. He doesn't seem to enjoy much or have any fun. When he's out of his window of tolerance, he's prone to angry outbursts of insults and dogmatic moral judgements against his family. He has a sharp tongue and inflicts cuts with his words. The rest of the time he just sticks to his rut.

The only time I feel strong emotions about you is when your actions hurt the ones I love.