Insanity

In 12 Step programs we learn that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I've had to unlearn a lot of insane behavior so big pat o  the back for me, but I still struggle with some things.
1. Binge consumption 
Ugh. This one is tough. I binge eat and drink until I'm sick and full of calories, dopamine and remorse. Then I binge some more because of the remorse.

2. Forcing relationships 
Why I keep trying to force a sexual/romantic relationship with you is beyond me. Why do I keep doing it?
A. To fulfill a physical need for sex
This one's kind of a no brainer. I want sex. I enjoy sex. You're the best sexual partner I've ever had, so naturally I want to fuck you.
B. To fulfill a psychological need to feel adored.
This one is more complicated. I guess I just like to be told how awesome I am and I have a bit of a God complex and enjoy being worshipped. I guess I could get it from other people but it's more convenient and in a weird way more meaningful coming from someone I want to have sex with or admire on some level. Your worship carries more weight with me than let's say Joe Buddy on Facebook who's living in his mom's basement liking all my posts.
C. To fulfill a need for companionship 
Arguably I have other people in my life with interests that are more compatible with mine, yet I still keep trying to force you to be my companion. 

Maybe I'm just really uncomfortable with forging new relationships? Maybe I'm scared?

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